run out of womb

... learning how to be a mum from scratch

Monday, 26 September 2016

What babies and toddlers are thinking at 3am

You're asleep. They looked asleep when you popped in to gaze lovingly at their cuddly torso at 11pm. But they were just pretending. Now it's 3am, and they're plotting. And this is what's on the agenda...

1. These pyjamas aren't my colour. What's the quickest way to get some new ones? Oh yeah I remember. Think of a water fountain and peeeeeeeeeeeeee. Perfect: now it's out of my nappy, onto the PJs, on to the bedding (always nice to have new sheets), so I'll call the washer woman. 

2. I wonder if baby sibling is awake too. I'll yell and find out. BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYBEEEEEEE....? 

3. What's that small thing lying on the carpet almost within touching distance of my cot? Is it White Bear? OK, I know that Green Bear, Grey Bear, Brown Bear and Yellow Bear are here in my cot, but I'd like White Bear. And I know just the person who'd love to bring me White Bear, and have a tea party with all the other Bears, for an hour, now. I'll just call her. MAAAAAAAMAAAAAAAAAA!

4. What? You outsourced me to dada? No. Not happening. I wanted the other one. The milk one. MAMAAAAAAAAA!

4. Haven't seen the neighbours for a while. It was pretty funny when they rung the bell to check 'if everything was OK' because they hadn't heard screaming so loud "since that episode of Crime Watch." Time to try it again. WAAAAAAH!

5. The side of my cot looks a lot like the slide at the park. Going to try to get over it.

6. Do my teeth hurt? Actually no. But that gel they bought tastes nice. Fancy some. Will cry whilst touching mouth and get some. MAMAAAA!

7. Wait. Is that those noises I hear? The weird ones I heard about nine months before the New One came along? Better do a massive poop and WAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!
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