run out of womb

... learning how to be a mum from scratch

Thursday, 3 August 2017

Two under two? This is the hideous advice from strangers that you won't be able to avoid...

 
Something I learnt on the first day I stepped onto the Tube wearing a 'Baby on Board' sign: if you're pregnant, you're the *top* story on the rolling news channel of Joe Public. 

You'll be judged, discussed, interrogated, poked and reprimanded. Previously you could walk down a street and exchange nothing more than a nod with a passer-by or two; as a parent-to-be, you suddenly become public property.  

And never is that more true than when you become pregnant to a second babe, after just a small gap. 

Not just those parenting Irish twins - a pair of siblings born less than 12 months apart, but "anyone with kids who doesn't look like they waited a decade or so before having sex for a second time," according to one mum of two-under-two.

I just escaped that bracket - my toddler was two years and one month when he walked into the hospital to see my newborn - but still, if I had a nappy for everytime Mr. R. Random had quizzed me, "so, it can't have been planned?" then I'd never need buy any Pampers for no. 2. 

Here, some epic mamas of two under two reveal the batshit crazy/downright rude/plain unhelpful things total strangers have said to them...

* "'Your hubby needs a pay rise so you can buy condoms,' a stranger said to me. Whaaat?!"

* "'You sure have your hands full,' someone said to me as I carried my 8 month old, my two year old, all of our stuff and tried to open a door.."

* "I always get, "you know how this happens, right?" So I respond with "no, can you give me a demonstration?" Or "yeah, and obviously we enjoy it.'" 

* "My mum told me that I had 'rocks in my head' when I told her I was pregnant with number two - giving a 15 month age gap."

* "The most common comment I get is, 'Well, maybe in about 5 years you'll get a break/ it will be easier... If you decide to not have any more.' Helpful, people, helpful."

* "Walking through a shop with my nine year old, 20 month and 4 month old, holding a TV we were buying, an old man walked up to me and said, 'I hope that's for your bedroom..!" 

* "I really hate being asked - but am frequently - 'You do understand how babies are made don't you...?"

"Someone came up to me as I stood with my young toddler and newborn, who had just been put into a leg harness so life was tricky enough, and said, 'when the youngest is 1, that's the hardest part. It gets harder from now."

* "A 75-year-old lady came up to me when I was with my young babies and said she'd had four under four and a half - and she had only just become sane."

* "I've just had my third boy and whilst pregnant everyone said to me, 'oh no, another boy...'. I felt like responding, 'stupid ignorant twats!'"

* "When I was pregnant with my third, I got a lot of, 'Are you mad, why do you want to do that?' which was kind.."

* "Couldn't think of anything worse:" the response when one mum announced her close-succession pregnancy.

* "Is your telly broken then??... Because obviously if your telly is broken you may have sex twice within the space of 8 months."

*"Our babies are 14 months apart and people kept saying wow you guys are quick! To which my husband replied: it actually took about 2 hours so I wouldn't call that quick...!"

* "My sister in law came over for her first visit since our baby girl was born 10 weeks ago. My husband works a lot but was making dinner and she said, 'Do you always have to make dinner after you get home from work? I mean, [the new mum] doesn't have to work, she doesn't do anything all day so why isn't she cooking? (Nope I don't do anything all day.. with a 4yr old on summer break, a 16 month old and a 2 month old.. I don't do anything all day.. nothing at all..)"

* "My nana asked me to 'please keep your legs closed for a while now'.."

* "Tell your hubby to keep it in his pants.."

* "I was told, 'Your eldest must be an easy kid, otherwise you would have never planned another so quickly..'"

* "Someone said to me - 'Condoms are free you know' and 'I think you should get rid as one is enough for you and him right now. It made me cry."

* "We got asked if no.2 was an accident because it was only an 18m gap and then if no.3 was a mistake because there was nearly a 3 year gap ... no pleasing some people!"

* "My babies are ten days shy of being 12 months apart, and I get... "man, ya don't waste any time!" "Aw, one of each its perfect, you can stop" "Wait, are they twins?" and, "So, is it hard?" My eyes are officially stuck since giving birth... from all the unsolicited advice to just straight out dumb people."
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