run out of womb

... learning how to be a mum from scratch

Tuesday 24 November 2015

Revealed: the seven types of baby group

A caveat: we all love a good baby class. 

It provides structure to a day that might otherwise involve singing Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star 84 times before 10am. 

It provides the opportunity to meet other local parents who you might even like (if they're not cliquey/an entire NCT class who 'booked together!'/weird/Mums of Several Children, whose only spare hour of the week is spent at this class.) And the teachers are often passionate and dedicated, and parents themselves.

But after trying some classes out, you might start to notice some similarities. And start to wonder if your baby might instead prefer to spend his or her class budget on, well, some new clothes for you.. or a Frappe. Because a happy mum is happy baby, right? 

Here are the some of most popular baby classes (or variations of...), explained:

Baby Massage: sing Twinkle Twinkle whilst massaging your baby's tootsies with such love and skill that you would pay someone £90/hour to do the same on your tired body. You note, however, that your baby is more interested in eating the towel belonging to the masseuse-mum next to you. (£84/hour, plus oil bill.)

Baby Sensical: sing Twinkle Twinkle to a new tune, which incessantly sticks in your head All. Day. Long ... but which, for some reason (amazing lawyers?), is untrack-down-able on YouTube. Simultaneously drape material over your baby whilst singing said Twinkle re-mix. (£73/hour, or sign up for life for reduced hourly fee of £69).

Small Swimmers: sing Twinkle Twinkle whilst bouncing your baby around a swimming pool that's hotter than your average summer holiday. (£100/hour, plus your own waxing bill.)

Marmoset Music: sing Twinkle Twinkle whilst shaking small plastic maracas at your baby (£30/hour plus joining fee.)

Rhyme Time: sing Twinkle Twinkle with actions, in the library. Free (but no one counts this in your 'baby class schedule - be warned.)

Baby Yoga: sing Twinkle Twinkle to your baby whilst they balance on your shins, above your head, either sicking on your head or drooling on you. (£59/hour, plus obligatory mat purchase.)

Baby Sign Time: sing Twinkle Twinkle with your hands, whilst being promised that this will help your baby to tell you when they are hungry/tired/just pooped. Try it at home later, realise this is madness. (£73/hour, plus your sanity.)


1 comment

  1. I am really getting surprised to know different types of baby groups. Never before we heard about such type of things but here this article reveals such great information about different types of baby groups. As a parent it is our essential duty to learn every aspect about baby care and baby safety.


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