run out of womb

... learning how to be a mum from scratch

Tuesday 10 November 2015

Think you're ready to be a parent?

Not 'til you can do all of these, you're not... 

Task 1. 10am: Put a just-fed, super-sleepy octopus in a crib. Attempt to get all eight limbs into the small eight holes of an octopus sleeping bag, without it waking up. When you fail, still try to get the eight flailing limbs into the sleeping bag, whilst it screams, because it's a new species of screaming octopus. Focus a CCTV camera on your writhing, screaming octopus, then leave the room, whilst tripping over Lego-shaped needles but holding in your swearing. Spend a painful hour watching CCTV of your much-loved octopus screaming. Then go and pick it up, and spend the rest of the day with your tired, grumpy octopus that refuses to sleep. 

Task 2. 11am: Pick up 10kg of flour from the supermarket. Don't put it down for 12 hours. Whilst carrying it, continue normal tasks, including paying for the rest of your shopping, smiling tightly when strangers poke your flour and ask its gender, travelling home, and unpacking your shopping. At two-hourly-intervals during your day, stick a pencil into the flour so it leaks out everywhere, then wash the ensuing floor mess and your clothes, re-package the flour, and carry on with the rest of your day, whilst never putting down the flour.

Task 3. 12pm: Wearing your best top, pour some water over both boob regions and go out for the afternoon. Every hour, add a splat of smelly thick white liquid to your top (a different area each time), and ask someone to yank on it to create saggy parts. Every meal time, ask your dining companion to throw colourful food at you, ideally staining foods like beetroot. Tomorrow morning, you should gaze at your ruined top and pull it on again, because it's the cleanest thing in your wardrobe.

Task 4. 1pm. Download an app that blares out hissing sounds and place it next to a dozing time bomb. Try to shower, dry your hair, go to the loo, cook a meal, clear up your house, get ready to go out and catch up on emails in the 23 seconds the time bomb stays silent. Fail, and try to do the rest of the tasks whilst holding the timebomb to your nipple.

Task 5. 2pm. Walk to your nearest Tube station whilst pushing two heavy suitcases full of necessities for the day, with your screaming octopus (from earlier) strapped to your front in a Baby Bjorn. Ideally do so on a rainy day, wearing an enormous raincoat that covers you and the carrier, but which makes the octopus ANGRY. Get to the station, stare forlornly at the 73 stairs to the platform, and start beaming hopefully at passing commuters. After they all rush past you, pick on one and ask for help. During your journey, add 10kg weights to the Baby Bjorn every 10 minutes.

Task 6. 7pm. Put an alarm clock in a crib. Pat its snooze button for two hours from 7pm so it stays hush. Enjoy an hour's peace from 9pm til 10pm, when you should settle into your cosy duvet. Now have it go off every hour, when you'll need to hold on to it for 15 minutes, pat its snooze button again for 15 minutes, and then enjoy 30 minutes 'rest' (you'll lie awake listening to its ticking) before it goes off again. Have your alarm clock finally settle down at 6.30, half an hour before your iPhone alarm will go off waking you for the day.


Task 7. Next day: Tell a friend about your day struggling with a wriggling, screaming octopus, crazy sleep-depriving alarm clock, tempestuous time bomb, heavy lugging-about flour, ruined clothing and travel desperation. When they ask whether you ever regret putting yourself through such trials, look at them as if they're crazy. Because you love your wriggling, screaming, sleep-depriving, heavy octopus/baby more than anything in the world and already have nightmares about his/her wanting to leave home one day. Now you're ready to be a parent...
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19 comments

  1. WOW!! This is the most wonderful thing i have ever experience and i need to share this great testimony..I visited a forum here on the internet on the 10TH january 2016, And i saw a marvelous testimony of this powerful and great spell caster called DR OKIKA on the forum..I never believed it, because i never heard nor learnt anything about spell before.. No body would have been able to convince me about spells, not until DR Okika did a marvelous work for me and restored my marriage of 5 years back to me and brought my spouse back to me in the same 24 hours just as i read on the internet..i was truly flabbergasted and shocked when my husband kneel down begging for forgiveness and for me to accept him back.. I am really short of words and joy, and i don't know how much to convey my appreciation to you DR okika you are a God sent to me and my entire family.. And now i am a joyful woman once again.. here is his email> (OKIKASPELLTEMPLE@YAHOO.COM or OKIKASPELLTEMPLE@GMAIL.COM)

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    1. WOW!! This is the most wonderful thing i have ever experience and i need to share this great testimony..I visited a forum here on the internet on the 10TH january 2016, And i saw a marvelous testimony of this powerful and great spell caster called DR OKIKA on the forum..I never believed it, because i never heard nor learnt anything about spell before.. No body would have been able to convince me about spells, not until DR Okika did a marvelous work for me and restored my marriage of 5 years back to me and brought my spouse back to me in the same 24 hours just as i read on the internet..i was truly flabbergasted and shocked when my husband kneel down begging for forgiveness and for me to accept him back.. I am really short of words and joy, and i don't know how much to convey my appreciation to you DR okika you are a God sent to me and my entire family.. And now i am a joyful woman once again.. here is his email> (OKIKASPELLTEMPLE@YAHOO.COM or OKIKASPELLTEMPLE@GMAIL.COM)

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    2. I am so very happy to testify about this great spell caster Dr Azuka that help me cured my HIV disease. I have been suffering from this HIV disease for over 6 years and i have found know cure, on till this blessed day i was browsing through the internet and i saw a woman testifying about this great powerful spell caster Dr Azuka who helped her cured her HIV disease with a herbal medicine. And also i contacted him Dr Azuka and i explain all my problem to him and he told me that i should not worry that he is going to help me prepare a herbal medicine for me and after that, he told me that he will send me a oil that i will use in curing my HIV disease and on the oil there are some rules that i will follow in using the oil, and i stood by it, and after using the oil i felt changing in me and i went for medical check up and the doctor told me that i am cured from the HIV disease and i was so very happy now that i am free from HIV disease and also the woman mentioned that Dr Azuka can also cure this deadly diseases called cancer, diabetes, syphilis, i am now saying that anyone you is suffering from any of this deadly disease should contact this powerful great spell caster at his email: dr.azukasolutionhome@gmail.com or whatsapp +2347052942840

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    3. I am so very happy to testify about this great spell caster Dr Azuka that help me cured my HIV disease. I have been suffering from this HIV disease for over 6 years and i have found know cure, on till this blessed day i was browsing through the internet and i saw a woman testifying about this great powerful spell caster Dr Azuka who helped her cured her HIV disease with a herbal medicine. And also i contacted him Dr Azuka and i explain all my problem to him and he told me that i should not worry that he is going to help me prepare a herbal medicine for me and after that, he told me that he will send me a oil that i will use in curing my HIV disease and on the oil there are some rules that i will follow in using the oil, and i stood by it, and after using the oil i felt changing in me and i went for medical check up and the doctor told me that i am cured from the HIV disease and i was so very happy now that i am free from HIV disease and also the woman mentioned that Dr Azuka can also cure this deadly diseases called cancer, diabetes, syphilis, i am now saying that anyone you is suffering from any of this deadly disease should contact this powerful great spell caster at his email: dr.azukasolutionhome@gmail.com or whatsapp +2347052942840

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    4. My name is Robert Slim i was in the US army and went to Liberia leaving my wife and two kids for 8 months when i returned my wife told me she was no longer interested in the marriage that if she could survive for 8 months without me the marriage is meaningless. Leaving home for 8 months was not easy but not having a family when i came back was more difficult. I pleaded continuously with her for 3 months. I even left the army just to convince her but all my attempt to get her back failed. My heart was totally broken when i saw my wife and my superior commander together in a Spanish bar. I still love her and need her to take care of my kids. I sent friends and family members to her but she refuse to come back home. This faithful day i was about to sign a friend guest book when i saw a post about a spell caster, at first i laughed but took the email adprophetess and phone number after 2days something inside of me just asked me to contact him so i did he asked for my information and that of my wife which i sent, he told me that my wife was under spell from superior commander because he has admired her for a very long time. he told me he has destroyed the spell and she was going to call me after 7 days. To my surprise she called my even before the 7th day elapsed and said she was wrong to have left me and said she want to come back home. I am using this medium to encourage other men and even women to contact this great spell caster for marital, relationship or any problems and i believe that he will help. His email is prophetabulelehealingtemple@gmail.com

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  2. if you are already a parent and single, i have a gtreat article for you, https://kovla.com/blog/single-parents-need-communicate-8-convenient-places-meet-new-people/ its about where you can meet new interesting people!enjoy

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    Replies
    1. I am so very happy to testify about this great spell caster Dr Azuka that help me cured my HIV disease. I have been suffering from this HIV disease for over 6 years and i have found know cure, on till this blessed day i was browsing through the internet and i saw a woman testifying about this great powerful spell caster Dr Azuka who helped her cured her HIV disease with a herbal medicine. And also i contacted him Dr Azuka and i explain all my problem to him and he told me that i should not worry that he is going to help me prepare a herbal medicine for me and after that, he told me that he will send me a oil that i will use in curing my HIV disease and on the oil there are some rules that i will follow in using the oil, and i stood by it, and after using the oil i felt changing in me and i went for medical check up and the doctor told me that i am cured from the HIV disease and i was so very happy now that i am free from HIV disease and also the woman mentioned that Dr Azuka can also cure this deadly diseases called cancer, diabetes, syphilis, i am now saying that anyone you is suffering from any of this deadly disease should contact this powerful great spell caster at his email: dr.azukasolutionhome@gmail.com or whatsapp +2347052942840

      Delete
  3. Hello everyone, i am here to share my testimony on how i conceived my baby. i have been married to my husband for 12years without no issue.i had problems with my in-laws even my husband started to have new affairs aside our marriage. it was a very terrible thing to bear. i became a laughing stock among my pear, i prayed and fasted and nothing happened. i was now seen as always unhappy.i was even ready to pack out of my marital home and stay on my own because my husband was not given me any attention that i needed from him. i decided to focus on my job and try to live happy on my own. on this faithful day, i decided to check the internet for updates on healthy living and i came across a story of a woman called mercy, saying that Dr aza helped her to conceive a baby. i decided to give him a try because this has been my greatest problem in life. today i am a proud mother with a son. words will not be enough to explained what this man did for me.i am a happy mother,i know there is someone in same condition and you feel there is no way. i urge you to contact him. This is the solution to every single mother around the globe. distance is not a barrier, he will surely make your dreams come trough. contact him today via email: (azaspellcaster@gmail.com.com) you contacts him with his via number +2348107155060

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hello everyone, i am here to share my testimony on how i conceived my baby. i have been married to my husband for 12years without no issue.i had problems with my in-laws even my husband started to have new affairs aside our marriage. it was a very terrible thing to bear. i became a laughing stock among my pear, i prayed and fasted and nothing happened. i was now seen as always unhappy.i was even ready to pack out of my marital home and stay on my own because my husband was not given me any attention that i needed from him. i decided to focus on my job and try to live happy on my own. on this faithful day, i decided to check the internet for updates on healthy living and i came across a story of a woman called mercy, saying that Dr aza helped her to conceive a baby. i decided to give him a try because this has been my greatest problem in life. today i am a proud mother with a son. words will not be enough to explained what this man did for me.i am a happy mother,i know there is someone in same condition and you feel there is no way. i urge you to contact him. This is the solution to every single mother around the globe. distance is not a barrier, he will surely make your dreams come trough. contact him today via email: azaspellcaster@gmail.com you contacts him with his via number +2348107155060

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  5. Parenting is really tough part of our daily work. Before expecting a baby we should first prepare mentally and physically for the challenge; as we well-known with the fact that parenting is never been an easy part of our work. So we used to learn crucial and essential tips about parenting from various sources. Thanks for such a wonderful article.

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  6. It is been said that one good turn deserved another that is the reasoning why i am using this medium to thank Dr.Ogudugu for his assistance during my time of hardship in my relationship. But looking at it from this angle that Dr.Ogudugu has saved my relationship by casting a spell for me which brought my lover within period of 48 hours, What really shocked me emotional was that my lover has been more romantic since the help of Dr.Ogudugu. In order to do a lot of people huge favor i will write down the details of Dr.Ogudugu via email greatogudugu@gmail.com

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  7. Hello everyone, i am here to share my testimony on how i conceived my baby. i have been married to my husband for 12years without no issue.i had problems with my in-laws even my husband started to have new affairs aside our marriage. it was a very terrible thing to bear. i became a laughing stock among my pear, i prayed and fasted and nothing happened. i was now seen as always unhappy. I was even ready to pack out of my marital home and stay on my own because my husband was not given me any attention that i needed from him. i decided to focus on my job and try to live happy on my own. on this faithful day, i decided to check the internet for updates on healthy living and i came across a story of a woman called mercy, saying that Dr Osas Ogbes helped her to conceive a baby. i decided to give him a try because this has been my greatest problem in life. today i am a proud mother with a son. words will not be enough to explained what this man did for me.i am a happy mother,i know there is someone in same condition and you feel there is no way. i urge you to contact him. This is the solution to every single mother around the globe. distance is not a barrier, he will surely make your dreams come trough. contact him today via email: dr.osasogbesherbalhome@gmail.com (WHATSAPP ONLY: You can also whatsapp him via +2348112252378) (CALLS ONLY: call him on +2348148824524).

    ReplyDelete


  8. Hello everyone, i am here to share my testimony on how i conceived my baby. i have been married to my husband for 12years without no issue.i had problems with my in-laws even my husband started to have new affairs aside our marriage. it was a very terrible thing to bear. i became a laughing stock among my pear, i prayed and fasted and nothing happened. i was now seen as always unhappy. I was even ready to pack out of my marital home and stay on my own because my husband was not given me any attention that i needed from him. i decided to focus on my job and try to live happy on my own. on this faithful day, i decided to check the internet for updates on healthy living and i came across a story of a woman called mercy, saying that Dr Osas Ogbes helped her to conceive a baby. i decided to give him a try because this has been my greatest problem in life. today i am a proud mother with a son. words will not be enough to explained what this man did for me.i am a happy mother,i know there is someone in same condition and you feel there is no way. i urge you to contact him. This is the solution to every single mother around the globe. distance is not a barrier, he will surely make your dreams come trough. contact him today via email: dr.osasogbesherbalhome@gmail.com (WHATSAPP ONLY: You can also whatsapp him via +2348112252378) (CALLS ONLY: call him on +2348148824524).

    ReplyDelete
  9. I have been suffering hard Shipley from HIV / AIDS since 6 years now, and i happen to have 2 kids for my husband, and now we cannot proceed to have another kids all because of my disease and now i have to do all what a human like i and my husband can do just to get my disease healed, i have went to several places to seek for help not even one person could ever help, until i melt a comment on the daily news paper that was commented by Ms Claudia about how this powerful traditional doctor help her get cured of the disease (HIV- AIDS) "my fellow beloved" i firstly taught having a help from a spiritual traditional healer was a wrong idea, but i think of these, will i continue to stress on these disease all day when i have someone to help me save my life? "so i gather all my faiths and put in all interest to contact him through his Email address (Dr.ojokarootandherbal@gmail.com) so after i have mailed him of helping me to cured my disease, he respond to me fast as possible that i should not be afraid, that he is a truthful and powerful doctor which i firstly claimed him to be. So after all set has been done, he promise me that i will be healed but on a condition that i provide him some items and obeyed all he said. I did all by accepting his oracle fact and only to see that the following week DR ojoka ::mail me on my mail box that my work is successfully done, he sent me the medicine through DHL I took the medicine as prescribed by him and 7 days later he ask for medical test i was first shocked and later arise to be the happiest woman on earth after i have concluded my final test in the hospital by my doctor that i am now HIV-Negative. My papers for check are with me and now i am happy and glad for his miraculous help and power. With these i must to everyone who might seek for any help, either for HIV cure or much more to contact him now at this Email:( Dr.ojokarootandherbal@gmail.com) "sir thank you so much for your immediate cure of my disease, i must say for curing my disease, i owe you in return. Thanks and be blessed sir .My name is lizzy Dixon His Email address is( Dr.ojokarootandherbal@gmail.com) or call or add him on whatsapp +2348144172934
    NOTE THAT THIS GREAT MAN CAN CURE ANY TYPES OF
    SICKNESS OKAY
    (1) herbes
    (2) hiv
    (3) als
    (4) dick enlargement
    (5) hepatitis B
    (6) ALOPECIA
    (7) CANCER,
    (8) DIABETES,
    (9) HERPES CURE
    (10) GETTING YOUR LOVER OR HUSBAND BACK
    (11) IMPOTENCE,
    (12) BARENESS/INFERTILITY
    (13) DIARRHEA
    (14) ASTHMA..…

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  10. Am from England, Oxford,UK ...HIV has been ongoing in my family for long..I lost both parents to HIV and it is so much pain has not been able to get over. As we all know medically, there is no solution or cure for HIV and the cost for Medication is very expensive. Someone introduced me to a man (Native Medical Practitioner). I showed the man all my Tests and Results and I told him have already diagnosed with HIV and have spent thousands of dollars on medication. I said I will like to try him cause someone introduced me to him. He asked me sorts of questions and I answered him correctly. To cut the story short, He gave me some medicinal soaps and some herbs(have forgot the name he called them) and he thought me how am going to use them all. At first I was skeptical but I just gave it a try. I was on his Medication for 2 weeks and I used all the soaps and herbs according to his prescription. That he will finish the rest himself. And I called him 3 days after, I arrived and I told him what is the next thing he said, he has been expecting my call. He told me to visit my doctor for another test. Honestly speaking, i never believe all he was saying until after the test when my doctor mention the statement that am, HIV negative and the doctor started asking me how do I do it....Am telling this story in case anyone may need this man’s help. He is the Great Dr Marko here is via email address (templeofsuccessandlove@gmail.com) or call +2348075705225
    Thanks Regard....

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  11. THANK YOU DR OKOSODO FOR YOUR CURE

    Are you sick? Have you been battling with strange and funny illnesses? Are you in a situation whereby the doctors have done necessary tests and said there isn’t anything wrong with you? ... These were all my stories until I met with a total cure for them all... His name is Dr. OKOSODO says my mom... I was almost at the point of death. It was that serious that I was just placed on life support even as the doctors didn't know what was wrong with me. My mom just came to my hospital bed one morning and said she had found a solution to all of my sufferings (because that was what I referred to the situation I was in then)... She said she was going through the internet and she came across some testimonies of how some people who had similar cases as mine were all cured off their illnesses through the power of this voodoo man. Without hesitation, I told her to contact the man, Which she did and she went on with the procedures as instructed her by this voodoo man (these procedures, I wasn't aware of because I was in a really bad shape then, And whenever I asked my mom she would say I shouldn't bother myself about that...that it was something she could handle). Not to bore you readers with too much of my story, in seven days from that day my mom told me about the voodoo man, I was cured off this killer disease that was at the verge of taking my life. Want to share your testimony like me? Contact the voodoo man on his direct email address... drokosodopowerfulhome@gmail.com or (his mobile or whataspp number is +2348136623427)... I AM NOW A HAPPY AND HEALTHY YOUNG MAN ONCE AGAIN...THANKS TO DR. okosodo.
    he is also specialize on curing the following:
    1. HIV AIDS
    2. Herpes Cure
    3. lotto spell
    4.bring back ex lover
    5.Lassa fever
    6. HPV
    7. ALS
    8. BED WETTI

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  12. I was very confuse when my lover that i married 11 years ago told me she needs a divorce simply because she fell in love with a guy she met in the bank, she took all her belongings and left my house even when i plead with her not to go but she insisted and left. It wasn't easy at all for me because i was in pain and couldn't go to work or even eat, i did many research on the Internet when i came across some beautiful testimony people shared about Doctor UZOYA so i quickly contacted him and told him my story, I never knew Doctor UZOYA could be so nice, he told me that my lover will come back to me within 24 hours and every thing happened just as he said and then i concluded that i have found a God on Earth and i will continues to testify about him till Christ comes.u can contact him if u need any help: [driraborspellcaster@gmail.com] OR call him direct on +13019098775. thank u so much Dr,UZOYA

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  13. My Name is Connor Nelson. I never believed in Love Spells or Magics until I met this special spell caster once when i went to Africa to transact some business. He is really powerful. The woman i wanted to live the rest of my life with left me 5 weeks to our wedding ceremony and my life was hell because i never expected such disappointment. She was with me for 8 years and i really love her so much. She left me for another man with no reason. When i called her she never picked up my calls and she don’t want to see me around her and she also deleted me from her facebook account. so, when i told the man what happened. He helped me to do some readings,and after the readings he made me to realize that the other man has done some spells over my wife and that is the reason why she left me. He told me he will help me to cast a spell that bring her back. At first i was skeptical but i just gave it a try. In 4 days, she called me herself and came to me apologizing for all that happened. I never believed that she was going to come back but today i have her by my side with the love and care i wanted from her. This man is good and he is the author of my happiness. His email is prophetabulelehealingtemple@gmail.com Contact him if you have any problem in your life and he will help you to solve it.

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  14. My Name is sandra, I was married to my husband for 8 years and we were both bless with three children living together as family until 2011 when things was no longer the way the was [when he lost his job]. But when he later gets a new job 5 months after, he started behaving strange and don't even come home sometimes pretending that his new job is so tight. Only for me to find out that he was having an affair with the lady that gave him the job. Since that day, when i called him, he don't longer pickup my calls. Yet my husbands just still keep on seeing the lady. Until I met a very good friend of my who was also having a similar problem, who introduced me to this prophet. But i told her that if it has to do with things that i am not interested, but she said that it has no negative effect. She gave me the spell caster's e-mail address and phone number. When i contacted him, he told me the requirement after the spell has worked so i decided to work with him. I was very shocked when my husband came home on the third day and started begging for all that he has done wrong to me and our children. This testimony is just the price i have to pay for the good work that this great prophet has done in my marriage. This man is good and he is the author of my happiness. His e-mail address prophetabulelehealingtemple@gmail.com

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